For such a time is this...

Te 

In 2009, my husband, Ted, took his first mission excursion to Managua, Nicaragua and the man I thought I knew was changed forever by what God revealed and had him experience on that trip in July. Ted was grieving and expressing his difficulty with being back into the United States and the conversation of Nicaragua became a daily, somewhat unwanted, topic in our home in which I greatly tired of very quickly! Where the heck is my husband? Why is he not happy and thrilled to see his wife and baby boy of seven months? I could not comprehend the mental and emotional anguish Ted was enduring and, frankly, I was incredibly frustrated and did not want to understand.  After one visit, how could this place called Nicaragua take up so much of my husband’s time and energy! What about me??? Hello!

No sooner had Ted taken “trip one” than “trip two” was scheduled six months later in January 2010. Two trips without his family to Nicaragua in less than six months! Really God? I was bitter and every time the word came up, you know N-I-C-A-R-A-G-U-A, I would feel this fear of abandonment welling up in me as if it was the first time I ever felt that emotion. To say that I was livid and scared was an understatement.

Ted came home from the second mission trip and this time I noticed something different. My husband has always had intensity, but, now it was gentler and softer and presenting with a fire I had not seen before. Ted had fallen in love with Nicaragua and it became clear to me that I would have to submit (resentfully) and experience this place. But God, I am not called to missions in a 3^rd world country! I am comfortable right here in St. Louis, MO doing whatever YOU call me to do. Just not 3^rd world missions! Thankfully, God had other plans.

In July of 2010, I begrudgingly left my 18-month-old son (Teddy), my parents, family, and friends for eight days in extreme hot, humidity, mosquitos, no air conditioning, no hot water, and water bottles to carry daily because the water is too filled with bacteria to drink. And it happened…

I fell in love with Nicaragua too and after the first mission I knew God was calling us to spend and serve more time in this beautiful country. On my third trip to Nicaragua, Ted and I spent roughly 8 hours away from the team in Managua to share time at Brazos de Amor and I fell in love instantly with the kids and dedicated staff. The one-day taste was not enough for me and I could not wait to return in January 2012 to invest time with the kids and staff. I dreamed of living on the property and serving in whatever capacity needed. Why? I was once too an orphan, although I have wonderful parents that have been married for over 50 years.

I am overwhelmed with joy to be joining the team at Brazos de Amor! God has abundantly blessed me with a PhD in Life Experience (aka of “What Not To Do”), an MA of Professional Counseling, and BA in Human Resources Management. I thoroughly love the ministry that God has given me in St. Louis of counseling individuals (children, adolescents, teens, and adults), families, and couples. What do all these boasting of credentials and professional experience have to do with taking a full-time missionary position? Not much without JESUS at my core!

Words will not do justice to how humbled I am that He has chosen us / dare I say ME / for such a time as this. 10 years earlier, I was lost, numb, and in desperate need of Jesus Christ. God saved me and continues to sanctify this forever-grateful sinner and saint. For me to express my excitement is quite easy due to the fact that God has wired me to be an extremely emotional human being! I am a Christ-follower in need of a Savior every second of the day, wife, mommy, daughter, sister, sister in Christ, friend, and Licensed Professional Counselor. As far as the rest of God’s testimony for my life (at least for today), looks like you will just have to come visit me in Nicaragua!

For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith for faith, as it is written, “The righteous shall live by faith.”  Romans 1:16-17

To judge or not to judge, that is the question.

I received a phone call from a potential client and before anyone steps into the office I require that they review my web site to see if I am a good fit or not. Stating the obvious, I am already asking for someone to judge me. So a couple days later I received a voicemail message stating that both individuals, male and female, reviewed my information and the boyfriend felt that I would be too judgmental based on my Christian beliefs. I had to chuckle but then posed the question to myself... Am I judgmental? The answer is a resounding YES!

As I was completing my Gestalt Training, one of the things that resonated with me was a comment the wise and knowledgeable Ed Harris, PhD (therapist of over 30 years) stated, "The process of counseling is not judgmental, however, therapists are judgmental". I didn't know what to do with that statement and honestly, tried to keep that comment in my closet of denial for a long time. Why? Because, truth about me is I am judgmental and truths can really stink and really hurt! 

Can there be an upside? I think so! If I did not judge than my gift of encouragement and affirmation would not exist. If I did not judge than I would not lovingly speak into people who love me and clients who expect a return on their time and investment. If I did not judge and share with you what I am hearing or seeing by asking questions for clarity than you should find another therapist! If I did not judge than God would never be able to grow me in this area of depravity and I would continue to shrink the cross of Christ. If I did not judge... I might be dead! 

Believe me, I want to accept everything as the gospel truth when rolled off of someones' tongue, but, I would be failing you and myself if I did. One of my favorite chapters in the book of James speaks directly to judgment and gossip (a whole-nother blog) as quoted below;

For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. (James 3:7-10)

Let me repeat... People (myself included as I confess and repent), these things ought not to be so! Christians judge and sin and sin and sin and sin and sin... I am no better and totally deserve eternal torture. 

BUT, Jesus! Need I say more? 

Blog, Blog, Blog / Blah, Blah, Blah

Ok! So, I have not written a blog in almost a year and wondering why I choose to include this on my website when clearly I have issues with committing to write. Or is it more FEAR (false expectations appearing real) based than commitment related? 

The truth about me is that my most basic emotional needs are approval, acceptance as is, and attention... And yes, I am still seeking the approval and acceptance of other human beings so much that it has caused me to halt / procrastinate on blogging. Once again, I am reminded that my identity does not come from others and all that truly matters is my identity in Christ which I am an adopted daughter of the one true King! 

If any one is reading this I hope that you will take the challenge with me to blog or journal once a week. Happy writing everyone!

The ONE by Heather Whitworth

This post is from a dear sister in Christ and friend and at 30 years of age (and single, I might add) has amazing Godly insight about relationships. Heather's blog website is http://elementallyessentialphotography.wordpress.com. ENJOY!!!  

We chase after things of this world because we are told by this world it is what we are supposed to do, but as Watchman Nee points out, all things of this cosmos, even with the intentions of being good are from the tree of knowledge. James further points out in the end of his letter that despite us thinking this life is ours, it is really what the Lord wills, a bitter pill for our humanity to swallow but a sweet sigh of relief for our souls.

Somewhere along the line, at a tree in a garden, we as woman bought the lie that our one perfect and true love is somewhere on this earth; that, that person who can make our dreams come true, love us selflessly, meet our every need and desire, that, that person is of this earth, this cosmos. We have somehow deluded ourselves to believe whole-heartily that something on this earth, a result of the great divorce, could possibly be what our eternal souls crave and need.

How ridiculously unfair have we been to the men of this world, fallen creatures just as us, fruits plucked from a tree we had no business with to begin. How quick we are to blame them for our unhappiness, when it is our own fault for loving the wrong One.

Daily I forget it and daily I beat myself for it, getting stuck in the endless, woe is me mentality.   Wishing for the “better” life, wishing for a “different” life, with nothing left but my sticky pride, keeping me from turning, from all things of this earth that fade and feasting my eyes upon my true north star, the hope of the earth, lover of my soul and keeper of my heart.

Is there one true love for everyone? Yes, but you will never find him on this terrestrial ball. You must starve your eyes of all things to see Him and be in the silence to hear Him and sit in the night to know His touch upon your heart. For He is a jealous lover, He will not stand for other things or other people to come before Him, but oh, how He loves.

My One true love

Comforts in the night

Is the healer of all sorrow

Sees me and knows me and wants to be known

My One true love

Has chased me since I was born

Has relentlessly pursued my heart

To make it His own

However, I like Hosea’s wife, have turned away time and time again, thinking I have found something more true, more real than the Creator of the universe.

Yet He says,

I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord.

Hosea 2:19-20

~heather.leigh.~ 11/26/2012

F-O-R-G-I-V-E-N-E-S-S

One of the biggest areas of therapy I enter into with every-single-one of my clients' is the topic of FORGIVENESS.

HOW and WHY? Many reasons!

New research was published by the Mayo Clinic that patients suffering from a life- threatening disease who were holding a grudge (or even bitter hatred) found that when they forgave the individual who hurt or harmed them treatment began to miraculously work! Coincidence? I think not.

Regarding my studies of forgiveness in the Bible, Matthew 6:14-15 states:

¹⁴ For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you,¹⁵ but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

This verse is directly after the Our Father and how I missed it for 43 years is humbling and mind-blowing, however, God's timing is PERFECT. 

Am I saying you must forgive everyone whom has ever hurt or harmed you. YES! So let us start with the first question I always receive...

What is forgiveness?

Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you. Forgiveness doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.

Why is it so easy to hold a grudge?

When you're hurt by someone you love and trust, you might become angry, sad or confused. If you dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility can take root. If you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice.

What are the effects of holding a grudge?

If you're unforgiving, you might pay the price repeatedly by bringing anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience. Your life might become so wrapped up in the wrong that you can't enjoy the present. You might become depressed or anxious. You might feel that your life lacks meaning or purpose, or that you're at odds with your spiritual beliefs. You might lose valuable and enriching connectedness with others.

How do I reach a state of forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. To begin, you might:  

• Consider the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time.
• Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you've reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being.
• When you're ready, actively choose to forgive the person who's offended you.
• Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life.
• As you let go of grudges, you'll no longer define your life by how you've been hurt. You might even find compassion and understanding.

What happens if I can't forgive someone?

Forgiveness can be challenging, especially if the person who's hurt you doesn't admit wrong or doesn't speak of his or her sorrow. If you find yourself stuck, consider the situation from the other person's point of view. Ask yourself why he or she would behave in such a way. Perhaps you would have reacted similarly if you faced the same situation. In addition, consider broadening your view of the world. Expect occasional imperfections from the people in your life. You might want to reflect on times you've hurt others and on those who've forgiven you. It can also be helpful to write in a journal, pray or use guided meditation — or talk with a person you've found to be wise and compassionate, such as a spiritual leader, a mental health provider, or an impartial loved one or friend.

Does forgiveness guarantee reconciliation?

If the hurtful event involved someone whose relationship you otherwise value, forgiveness can lead to reconciliation. This isn't always the case, however. Reconciliation might be impossible if the offender has died or is unwilling to communicate with you. In other cases, reconciliation might not be appropriate. Still, forgiveness is possible — even if reconciliation isn't.

What if the person I'm forgiving doesn't change?

Getting another person to change his or her actions, behavior or words isn't the point of forgiveness. Think of forgiveness more about how it can change your life — by bringing you peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing. Forgiveness can take away the power the other person continues to wield in your life.

What if I'm the one who needs forgiveness?

The first step is to honestly assess and acknowledge the wrongs you've done and how those wrongs have affected others. At the same time, avoid judging yourself too harshly. You're human, and you'll make mistakes. If you're truly sorry for something you've said or done, consider admitting it to those you've harmed. Speak of your sincere sorrow or regret, and specifically ask for forgiveness — without making excuses. Remember, however, you can't force someone to forgive you. Others need to move to forgiveness in their own time. Whatever the outcome, commit to treating others with compassion, empathy and respect.

I hope and pray that the information above will begin your journey of forgiveness and freedom. I have been so wrecked by the Gospel this year that sometimes I do not know if I am coming or going. The one thing I know for certain is that Jesus rescued me from the grips of HELL and this leper is forever grateful! 

 

Life with a "3" year old boy

Temper tantrums anywhere, hitting and throwing out of frustration, “I do it myself” attitude, food fights at almost every meal… Excuse me, did I sign up for this?

Where did this child come from!?! What happened to my precious little boy from last summer? The terrible “3's” have possessed my son! When is nap time?

God, are you listening?

And then in the still, quiet moments… The Sippy cup of milk or juice that my son enjoys sitting in no other place than my lap, the monkey hugs he gives when wanting to be held and not put down, the soft side of his cheek when I’ve given him his 100th kiss of the day, and the sweet way my son replies when asked by me, “Who’s your mommy?”... DADDY!!! (words from Teddy).

God has such a good sense of humor!

Even though I am ready to pull my hair out on the terrible days, the terrific days, by far, out weigh. Waking up in the morning to such a happy, smiling, loving face, our daily walks to the park and my son pointing out everything from bike riders to horses, dogs, even deer, to planes and automobiles, and other kids and their moms and dads. He notices all and misses nothing! Teddy makes me stop to smell the flowers, touch the bark on a tree, and listen to the winding brook that travels to the fishing pond… But most importantly, breathing, feeling love, and knowing the true blessing of motherhood.

So mommies, or whatever you are being called these days, pat yourselves on the back for the super hard work you are doing and relish in the “good days” and appreciate the “terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days". For in those moments, I am taught about some inner wisdom and strength I never knew I had before. With motherhood, I am able (not always willing) to grow and be the best “mum” I can be for my precious little stinker-butt.

Thank you God, for this amazing GIFT!

Community... How is yours?

I love Koinonia. The word has such a multitude of meanings that no single English word is adequate to express its depth and richness. It is a derivative of koinos, the word for common. Koinonia is a complex, rich, and thoroughly fascinating Greek approach to building community or teamwork (definition from wikipedia).

I am amazed and saddened by the number of individuals I meet that have no solid friend relationships and are deeply afraid of taking the risk of doing so because of past hurts. "OUCH" is a real thing for much of our society.

C.S. Lewis puts it this way, “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless -- it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

So how about you? Do you fear relationships or welcome them? I'd love to hear your feedback!

Much love and many blessings,

Kelly